Web Developer Safety Slogans
1- What people want me to do are merely suggestions.
2- I can program anything in five minutes. Meanwhile, six years later. I almost have this problem figured out.
3- I will fix anything you want as long as you ask me fifty thousand times.
4- Wearing someone down is the art of not turning in what they really want without getting fired.
5- Getting paid is more important than the project turning out successfully.
6- This job will cost you $100.00 upon completion unless, of course, I find out it really should cost $300.00 upon completion.
7- Since everyone wants paid regardless of performance, it's worth it to pay extra and find the real programmers.
8- Offshore can save you cash, but add to your frustration.
9- It's a good idea to ask for money once a month whether you did anything or not.
10- To get the job completed, offer green cards to the first person to do it on time and correctly. Then, send them a nice St. Patrick's day card.
11- The best developers work in the languages that are the easiest on the eyes (like Ruby and Python).
12- The linux Gods can't tell me how to do it and the linux programmers don't know how either.
13- Programmers all think they are the smartest people on earth; and yet, they are the worst at determining cost and think it unfair to be held to any sort of bid.
14- The safest way to get your programmer to get the work done is to use a photo of a beautiful woman and flirt with them until the project is completed.
15- Always tell your employer you were working on the item they seem most concerned about. Then, when you turn in your work give them your project on solitaire and explain how the other thing had some un-resolvable problems.
16- It takes almost as much work to tell a programmer what to do as it does to do it yourself.
17- One way to not get what you want is to expect a programmer to do some data entry or some real mouse clicking.
18- Click, click, the clock ticks.
19- One safe technique is to appeal to the programmers sense of intellectual superiority. You're the smartest person in the world usually works well.
20- Be wary of "experts" that have been programming less than two years.
21- Somebody will be on the backburner. If you don't figure out why it won't be you then it will be you.
22- Passion and freedom go a lot further than strict requirements and high pay.
23- What you have to remember is that logical programmers think with their emotion.
24- Nerds want to be accepted and loved. If you can manage that, they'll do just about anything for you.
25- It's safer to walk away in the beginning than in the end.
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