1- Since car salesmen always answer a question with a question, safely answer all their questions with questions.
2- How much is this car? Well, it depends on how many managers I check with and how many promotions I decide to give you.
3- You know you are a sucker when you believe this one, "We are selling you this car below our cost. Here take a look at our invoices".
4- Always bring a fake copied id for those test drives. That way you can't be held hostage waiting for your drivers license.
5- It's amazing how hard it is to find some keys.
6- I always love it when they ask me what kind of a payment I want because I have always wanted 0 for my payment.
7- One of the best way for them to get you is to flatter your negotiating skills; don't fall for that one.
8- If they fill out the paperwork wrong, give them one more chance. If it's wrong the second time, walk out the door.
9- You can accomplish a lot more by fax and email than by traveling to dealerships for sales presentations.
10- Bring a lot of food and drinks and sleeping stuff to the dealership and plan on it taking a few days. That way, you can wear them down until you get the best price.
11- One time, I rubbed cow manure all over my clothing before I went to the dealership so they wouldn't want to waste so much of my time.
12- There are lots of great add-ons that are unsafe for the wallet. You can safely bypass rustproofing, bulletproofing, Scotchguard, extended warranties, tire black, slick seat, and driver pocket protectors.
13- For the extended warranty and add-on marathon, bring a big sign that says no thanks and just hold it up every two minutes.
14- One of the least safe things I ever did was send a copy of the ten commandments to all the car dealerships.
15- If you want great service, bring a fake bank statement showing them how much money you have.
16- If you want a nice sales person, always ask for the new guy.
17- Selling cars is a hard job, but it's because of all the onerous customers that don't want to overpay.
18- There is great safety in knowing that agreeing to buy the car is just the beginning of a long battle.
19- Never pay M.S.R.P. unless it's a hot model.
20- If you are an honest person, it's safe to say you need to find another profession.
21- Pretend to be poor enough for pity, but rich enough to make a transaction.
22- I always like this question, "Before we discuss the car price, can we know how many add-ons you are going to purchase?"
23- Trading an older car in is liking taking it to the junkyard and getting two hundred extra dollars since the dealerships just give it to a wholesaler or employee for almost free.
24- Like they say on the kid movie Robots. "Why be you, buy brand new!"
25- Want to have a funny experience. Have your spouse bring a video camera to record the whole thing.
26- The only reason I am selling cars is because my law practice isn't doing so well anymore.