1- Make sure you trust the person holding the boat.
2- A great way to pop your ears is to get on a plane after a decompression dive (not).
3- If you don't have a buddy, you're dumber than muddy.
4- Holding your breath on the ascent is good for pulmonary barotrauma.
5- The best dive buddy suffers from frequent panic attacks.
6- The sharks will probably stay away from you.
7- Knowing the tide will save your behind.
8- Bend the rules and the bends will become your best friend.
9- Keep any bubbles in your lungs and out of your blood.
10- The safest divers do things slowly.
11- You may not get a ticket for drinking and diving, but you can certainly get a death certificate.
12- Used YMCA diving equipment is probably not the best choice.
13- Always pet the jelly fish.
14- Bring a hyperbaric chamber on your boat for the ascent.
15- Always wear a black suit and carry a harpoon for the killer whales.
16- Bring some treats for the sharks so they won't want to eat you.
17- An unplanned dive is an opportunity to kill yourself.
18- Check the equipment out first and your girlfriend second.
19- Bring some ink for the times when you need to disappear from predators.
20- Use your pet fish to propel you through the waters.
21- Diving is exhilarating because there are so many dangers that you will survive.
22- The hardest thing to control is the inner ear barotrauma.
23- GPS beacons are a good idea for the diver that gets washed away in a current.
24- The safest divers have one diver with all the backup gear.
25- If diving is too dangerous, try snorkeling.