Funny Safety Slogans for the Workplace
1- If you think your job is hard now, try doing it without hands.
Nobody is so tough that they don't mind a hand getting cut off.
Mother in laws love safety. Why then, doesn’t the protocol seem to work on the Mother-in-Law?
(Seinfeld, George with Cleaning Woman) Was it wrong to have sex with the cleaning woman on my desk? If I had only seen the safety compliance video, this wouldn’t have been a problem.
You will die whether you follow safety procedures or not.
Don’t forget to wear gloves; your butt might itch.
It’s not how big the butt is, but how firm and fit.
Safety Miracles Happen.
Roses are red, violets are blue, safety is first or I’m coming for you.
Build your house of bricks; not shortcuts.
If you can’t afford the good attorney, go straight to jail; at least that way, when you get out of jail, you might not be broke.
The safest way for an attorney to get fired is to insist on the billable hours being correct.
Professors know that syllabus ambiguity allows for grade deflation without needing as much safety protocol.
A professor's safety protocol should involve, being unlisted in the phone book, being unavailable, and hiring foreign teaching assistants.
Professors should lie about what will be on the final, not the midterm. That way you can hide from the students easier.
When a police officer asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Respond by saying, “I felt a need to speed up because you were eating donuts and swerving while driving.”
Dare to keep cops off doughnuts.
18- Incarceration and incapacitation are shoulders of the same cop donut eater.
Is there anything safer than eating donuts?
In network marketing, how does six plus six add up to one million without doing anything.
21- Network marketing produces much better job safety than corporate America due to barbeques, circles, and unsafe numbers.
The safest strategy is to draw lots of circles and hold lots of barbeques.
The safest fireman yell is, "Fire, Fire, Fire!"
If arson is on your mind, check your behind.
If Kramer is driving the back of the Fire Truck, you have probably been watching too much Seinfeld.
Funeral directors should not take naps on the embalming table.
Charging an arm and a leg, for a funeral, is no laughing matter.
Never rent out deceased bodies to private individuals without consent.
The math brain is only dangerous when applied to social interactions.
Never consider the unsafe practice of calling your math teacher f of x.
A mailman should be safe or go postal!
A proctologist should keep their fingernails trimmed and their gloves lubed up.
A male proctologist should never tell the male patients he is gay.
Never name your proctology office Queers and Rears.
Middle management should only follow safety rules that create a bonus.
How can middle management safely steal from the subordinates?
Managments blood pressure tells a lot about the safety of the company.
38- The safest words of a nurse are, "I wouldn't touch that if I were you."
The safest bath is a sponge bath.
A Pharmacist knows that it is safer to look down than to look up or straight ahead.
The more meetings you have the safer you are.
For everyones safety, meetings should always be randomly scheduled in multiple locations.
Fast food workers know that employment longevity and obesity are positively correlated.
44- Compaining about your order, will decrease your food safety.
Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? What you gonna do when coronary comes for you?
When you get robbed, simply ask, "Would you like some fries with that?"
If the food doesn't kill you, nothing will.
Never tell the traffic judge, "I thought the officer was impersonating Porky Pig and so it was real hard to take him seriously."
49- But Judge, "
If I didn't care about safety, I wouldn't be here trying to safely keep my hard earned money in my wallet."
But Judge, "I met the policeman at Doughnut Eaters Anonymous and we made a deal that I would get no tickets in exchange for a hundred donuts."
But Judge, "My twin brother was driving and borrowed my identification without asking."
A safety guy makes a good witness for cases involving a secure understanding of protocols that people don't want to follow.
I saw one case where OSHA sued the safety guy for failing to enforce timed bathroom breaks.
Ooh Baby, Ooh Baby, is not a safety slogan.
Always have the new guy feed the giant pythons.
It's safer to sell a biting pet, than to keep it for yourself.
Make sure and have any Vietnamese buyer fill out paperwork before purchasing a cat or a dog.
If nobody knows the kickbacks, perhaps it's still unsafe to take them.
Kickbacks are really knives in your back that haven't come out yet.
It’s safer to give a cat a shot than a pill.
Vetrinarians know that testicles are a liability.
Snip, Snip, Pay, Pay. It’s the safest way.
The unsafe surgeon eats lunch while performing surgery.
You don't have to be Chinese to write a safe fortune cookie.
Hiring a dwarf or elf is safer for writing on the tiny papers.
The hardest part of being a farmer is keeping your limbs out of the combine.
Your reap the safety from the protocol that you sow.
68- Be careful with coffee and never put it between your legs.
It’s how you start things that determines your liability.
The entomologist may forget that the sticky stuff isn't always part of the jelly doughnut.
Imagine the safety of the male black widow.
The safest dance music is classical.
If your digging job is to strenuous, get a job digging for the government.
74- The safest program is written in the finest computer language.
75- Python programmers are safer than Perl programmers.
76- Perl programmers are safer than c++ programmers.
77- Java programmers are the least safe of any programmers.
Open toed shoes, in the kitchen, are like asking knives, hot grease, and dishes to avoid your presence.
A safe way to get banned from a health club is to pee in the shower.
"It's all pipes!" is not a good excuse for peeing in the shower.
A bun in the oven is the mother of all invention.
When you forget to use a hot pad scream, "Burn baby burn!"
The safest attorney knows when to tell the truth and when to shut up and when to lie.
Thinking about the mathematical demise of others brings great peace and safety to the responsible actuary.
The safest numbers are the largest.
The safest way to keep your actuary job is by excluding everyone you can, while still being viable enough to get premiums.
The acturarial science of appropriate exclusion comes at the safety of society.
If you are having a bad day, volunteer to test some electrical wiring.
Those little pellets on the ground are not candy.
Janitors know that what you learn about people from the trash can later be used for job security.
The safest janitor I ever knew carried a huge mop with a heavy duty iron core. It not only built up his muscles, but could be used for self defense.
Use your mind and your back will thank you.
Is war about anything other than safety?
The best safety record is obtained through humility.
The steering wheel is my friend, the stick shift is my neighbor, and the mirrors are my in-laws.
96- If you lose your safety orders, blame it on the commanding officer.
Safety is often about shooting first and asking questions later. And, more importantly, about appeasing the person commanding the fire.
A pastry chef should know that if the waitress wants to make out with you, check with the supervisor first.
99- Cannibals know that a safe chef has less taste than a risky one. Likewise, some political parties are unedible.
100- Fitness Trainers like that
their career safely rewards a tight ass.
101- If you're in a disaster, you better run faster.
102- If you think this sucks, try something different.
103- Offshore stinks and so do you.
104- What is that smell coming from your office?
105- Be safe or go home.
106- I didn't make you do it.
107- Lose a limb, Lose a Job.
108- Never follow the directions of a boss in a hurry.
109- Like Jerry Maguire said, "SHOW ME THE SAFETY!"
110- I'm not from India and I approve this message.
111- Only approve messages that are tagged with safety slogans.
112- If humor is gone, your day is sooo long.
113- When it gets to be hard, put down your guard.
114- When the safety guy comes, work slow and don't show your bum.
115- Lose your face, lose your life.
116- Without a face, it's hard to find a wife.
117- If you lacking the time for the dentist, pull out the menace.
118- If people from India copy your safety slogans, you know they are bogus.
119- When Google puts crap number one, make up a number two.
120- The harder you work the safer the fall.
121- It's not how hard you fall, but how fast you get up that counts.
122- No matter the day, safety is here to stay.
123- Tripping on lost pencils will insult even the dumbest safety manager.
124- In a theater stand up and yell, "Safety, Safety, Safety".
125- Where in the world are all the safety magnets.
126- If it looks safe and tastes safe, it might be food.
127- It's not where you shop, but what you read that determines your Safety IQ.
128- Safe stands for Some A#@$%$# F##$%$ E@#$%$#$%.
129- If you understand that, you should learn Chinese.
130- All I wanted to know, I learned from safety management training.
131- Why is safety so funny and boring.
132- Kids laugh when people get hurt and adults pretend to cry.
133- If you're not the one hurting get back to work.
134- I recommend outsourcing all the safety management, safety equipment, and, of course, all the accidents.
135- Without a threat of an accident, work can get pretty boring.
136- Injuries don't matter, it's the severity of the injury that does.
137- The Worker's Comp guy sat next to me all day long to see how fast I could add up checks without losing a finger.
138- Most managers hate Workers Comp because they think it is is a better life to be hurt and get a check than to actually perform.
139- I once got Workers Comp for a heart attack at the age of 72.
140- If you don't have health insurance, always be at work so that you are covered.
141- If you have no insurance, it's safer to go to jail and get the care you need.
142- Hurting is one thing, but asking for time off is something even worse.
143- Keep employees in line by punishing all the people that get hurt.
144- Redefine safety to include blisters, rashes, nose bleeds, callouses, and any other thing that damages the body in any way.
145- Chemicals in the blood can make a dude thud.
146- Where is the cleaning woman when you need her?
147- For safety training, give away safety umbrellas.
148- Safety today does not = safety tomorrow.
149- The early warning signs of an unsafe day begin with a call from your Mother-In-Law.
150- Don't do the time, unless it's on your mind.
151- If you want to be safe, you have no time to waste.
152- Bottles under seats have a way or rolling out at the wrong time.
153- If you're driving drunk, you'll smell like a skunk.
154- Better to be in jail, than out in the open and all unsafe.
155- The lawyer made me do it.
156- The accountant made us all do it.
157- "What the $%%$ happened?" Well, I just thought the boss needed a day off.
158- If you think it is clean, it just may be.
159- The safest restaurants hire immigrants that know how to hide cockroaches.
160- As the safety manager said, "It's perfectly safe to eat bugs. As long as people don't know what they're eating, it is ok!"
161- A cat in the hat makes the mice go kersplat.
162- If you're a gourmet chef, it's not the best idea to always say, "RATS" when something goes wrong.
163- Lawsuits come and lawsuits go, where the safety is nobody knows.
164- A safe lawyer is a dead one.
165- To make the world more safe, let's open up a lot more law schools and have the government subsidize the tuition.
166- Controls are for control freaks.
167- Slip, Slip, Fall, Fall, Nobody call.
168- When you get hurt at home, tell the hospital you were hurt at the office.
169- If your brain is on fire, don't be a liar.
170- Brain brain go away come again another day.
171- As one fresh fish flipped into the fire the safety guy flipped out.
172- As one black bat blew by in the breeze, the safety guy blew back.
172- As one busy beaver was building a dam, the safety guy was taking a break.
173- As one eager eagle eased under the eaves, the other eager safety guy eased out to eat a donut.
174- Peter Picked a safety inspectors nose.
175- Peter Piper Picked a Pickled Pickle from the safety guy's pickled sense of humor.
176- Little pig, little pig, let me come in. "No, the safety guy is already here eating your sandwich."
177- If a speckled frog sits on a log, should you sit on the log too?
178- If you see a fire, run away – unless it's on you!
179- Mixing cleaning products can kill.
180- The safety man is watching.
181- "Help, the orange is hurting my eyes!"
182- Big Bird cut off his nose accidentally with a pair of linesman pliers.
183- Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its safety day we go.
184- Ariel sings, "I want to be with the safety guy. I want to hear, want to hear him laughing."
185- Forget about mold and purchase a snap on face at the hospital.
186- Employees with mold under their fingernails will immediately be deported to sanitation.
187- Since nerds rule the world, where does that put the safety guy?
188- The safest road to home is paved with orange and filled with yellow.
189- I didn't see it happen or hear it happen or feel it happen, but I knew it happened.
190- Why do all the rules come from a video or a yelling boss?
191- Encourage lots of safety training so that your nap-time will increase.
192- The best safety comes by averaging the large numbers and throwing out the ouliers (i.e. accidents).
193- Safe today, no productivity tomorrow.
194- I would rather be poor and safe than productive and risky.
195- It's what you don't do that matters.
196- The surest way to be fired is to insist on safety rules being followed.
197- If the boss tells you to do it, that means do it when his supervisor is watching.
198- What isn't in the protocol you can make up on the job.
199- What type of protocol does the proctologist use?
200- Where O where is the safety guy gone?
201- Red rover, red rover, send safety right over.
202- It only matters if you're safe or not.
203- Come see the queen. She is being trained in safety protocol.
204- Rules are made, not broken.
205- A rule a day keeps the doctor away.
206- If it might be your last day, get hurt to get more pay.
207- Wherever a safety guy stands, there is room for great thought.
208- I didn't want to cut off my hand, but the rules forbid me from doing it the right way.
209- When two safety rules are incongruous, follow the one that leads to less confluence.
210- Four score and seven years ago, a safety law was passed and freedom was born.
211- If your boss is angry say, "I did what the protocol required and nothing more. I didn't want to break any rules by going the extra mile."
212- If you are unemployed, work for free for someone and get hurt doing it.
213- If the company has no insurance, you may be wasting your hard earned make believe stories.
214- We used to have a weekly meeting to make fun of the safety rules.
215- You need an attorney when you're put in a gurney.
216- If the car breaks your back, break the mans wallet.
217- If someone is hurt, somebody pays.
218- Red Rum, Red Rum, I smell some safety scum.
219- Nanotechnology makes chemical spills safe from big bills.
220- How do you make safety videos for the nanotechnology particles?
221- Never fly your kite in a lightning storm.
222- If you have a large key, use it on the kite string to absorb all the electricity.
223- If a bird can build a nest with it's beak, why can't you build a safety program that doesn't suck?
224- Take away all the cars at the bars.
225- Put a breathalizer on the time clock for people to punch in.
226- To get rid of bad employees, distribute poppy seed muffins and then require a random drug test.
227- If in doubt, get the safety rules out.
228- When is more important than What and Where is more important than Who.
229- The person that did it is rarely the person that should get blamed for it.
230- Safety designs should encompass all human relations and all people that speak english.
231- Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of those safety regulations.
232- My little dog ate the key to the safety locker full of safety rules.
233- If you like safety, you just might be a scaredy cat.
234- Momma used to always say, "SHUT UP AND BUCKLE UP!"
235- Once, twice, three safety rules. I...I...I.....Love them. I looooove them.
236- If you happy and you know it sing the safety song.
237- Every company should have a safety song that they sing at all the pep rallies and safety meetings.
238- To encourage safety, make sure people worship the safety guy as if he were the president of the company.
239- Speak Loudly and carry a small taser.
240- If safety is so important to the police, why did they kick Rodney King around so much?
241- Bill Clinton knows safety be creating a new definition of the word IS.
242- There is a straight and narrow path to the tree of safety life.
243- Barack Obama kept it straight at the Scout O' Rama.
244- Make your hair cool like Justin Bieber tool.
245- Oprah Winfrey says, "I like to be safe at home, neatly tucked in my bed."
246- Kristy Alley says, "The only way to be safe is to turn TV time into television time."
247- Go, Fight, Safety, Win.
248- Safety C Safety Do
249- You are invading my safety zone.
250- If someone at work is sick, wear a mask; especially to large meetings.
251- You never know what breathing on something can do for you.
252- The unruly bosses are sick more often because people find out it makes their job more enjoyable.
253- Ah, safety out.
254- Be a fool; use an improper tool.
255- Use a coffin as a nap reward for unsafe employees.
256- Keep your workplace clean and avoid a big scene.
257- Better to be unconscious than follow safety rules.
258- Safety is everyone's responsibility.
259- Safety by choices and taking calculated chances.
260- Know safety, know pain, no safety, have fun.
261- Dreamwork productions brings you a safe work environment.
262- Face the fact that your face needs a mask.
263- An ugly mug looks better in a jug.
264- Don't bother being safe; there is a shortage of organ donors.
265- Safety rules without tools are not so good for the fools.
266- The road of good intentions doesn't make for accident preventions.
267- Dorothy said, " There's no place like a safe home".
268- The life you save just might be yours.
269- Zero accidents for zero employees.
270- Safety by design is up to you, not God.
271- Hand-in-glove isn't just a song by the Smith's.
272- Quench your thirst by reading safety rules.
273- Protect your paycheck by not bringing it home.
274- Be careful with the paychecks and the papercuts.
275- Direct deposit checks can go to heck.
276- The bigger the check the safer the marriage.
277- The bigger the life insurance policy the riskier your life.
278- Keep your hands safe by drinking after eight.
279- Use your kids mittens that look like kittens.
280- Use your brain......Don't take the train.
281- You'll never sit on broken glass as long as you stay off your ass.
282- Remove the saw guard; add the safety glasses.
283- Get the dark tinted safety glasses and learn how to sleep standing up.
284- Combines eat arms and legs.
285- Some people like machines that eat the crazy people.
286- Our company hired Howard Stern to create the perfect environment for our sexual harrasment safety meeting.
287- Keep your head on and your safety up.
288- BADGERS! We don't need no stinking safety badgers.
289- If you don't have time to do it right now, maybe you will enjoy all your time in jail.
290- Machine guns and safety guards and an armored car.
291- Learning the hard way is not always the best way.
292- Flesh and bone and guts and blood make no match for steel and stone.
293- Get a buddy. Be a buddy.
294- Friends don't let friends operate unsafe machinery.
295- Safety may be boring, but saving a life is priceless.
296- Nevertheless, some people you want to get rid of.
297- Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder how safe you are.
298- Goodnight stars, goodnight moon, goodnight safety guy.
299- Goodnight comb, goodnight brush, goodnight safety guy saying, "Hush."
300- Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of rules. Jack fell down and broke his crown for forgetting to follow the rules.
301- Little Miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet filled with safety rules.
302- There came a great safety guy who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.
303- Little Bo-Peep has lost her safety rules and doesn't know where to find them.
304- "Kitty-cat, kitty-cat, Where have you been?" I've been to London to meet the safety queen.
305- Here we go round the safety rules book early in the morning.
306- Old Safety Guy Hubbard Want to the cupboard, to fetch his poor employees a bone.
307- Hickory, dickory, dock! The safety runs the clock. The clock struck one, the accidents came down. Hickory, dickory, dock!
308- Three blind rule followers! See how they run! They all ran after the rule book. When someone got hurt they forgot to take a look; as three safety guys.
309- Jack Sprat's boss could eat some fat and Jack could only eat lean. And so, between them both, you see, they made the place safety clean.
310- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the safety rules, and all the many protocols followed; Cannot put Humpty together again.
311- To market, to market, to buy a fat safety book, Home again, home again safety guy goes to sleep reading.
312- Never get a Dead-End Job.
313- Morticians are known for sabotaging safety protocols.
314- One mortician society put on construction worker safety training at the mortuary.
315- Follow the golden safety rule. Tattle on me and I'll tattle on you.
316- Joggers should wear an led vest.
317- I would rather pray for safety than discuss it at work.
318- Heaven can't wait for stupid mistakes.
319- Protect your back and don't have a heart attack.
320- A jack of all trades should use a jack.
321- Success is the deliberate act of God on the safety guy.
322- Better to lock up than lock in.
323- Don't make safety fatalaties a reality.
324- If you want more pain, don't try to skip rules for gain.
325- The first rule of safety is that it is for defense only. The second rules it to first remember rule number one.
326- Regretting it and forgetting it can often mean the same thing.
327- Safety First! Questions Later.
328- Offer the ice pick for people that pick their nose in front of you.
329- You can, he can, she can, we all can be safe.
330- Accident prevention comes from good intentions.
331- Always play the song, "She's a smooth operator."
332- Ignorance is bliss until you're dismissed.
333- When the guard comes off, the arms come missing.
334- Eating the safety manual is better than dissemination through meetings.
335- Before we have that meeting, can you send me an email of the safety itinerary.
336- Safety in, Safety Out, We have no doubt.
337- Always be careful with the safety guy.
338- Lift like a kite by doing it right.
339- Standing together and lifting is part of the sifting.
340- Sleepy today – alert tomorrow.
341- Driving too fast can kill your ass.
342- Buckling up the kids is better than S.I.D.S
343- STOP accidents at the crossroads.
344- Driving is fun unless you can't text your friends.
345- It's safer to drive and text than it is to stay at a lame party.
346- Large vans are simply not made for teenager cans.
347- Think and drive.
348- Caffeine is a safe friend.
349- Is it safer to stay awake with pills and go to sleep with pills or to simply be tired and groggy on the road?
350- This very safe sleep medicine has been reported to make people drive while sleeping.
351- Accidents are simply errors in judgement; make someone pay.
352- Where love is, safety is also.
353- Can't buy my safety. No, no, no, no!
354- Yesterday, all my accidents so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh how I wish for protocol.
355- A safety suit made of rubber is a good gift for that hard to shop for executive.
356- I'm all over that Lady Gaga safety video.
357- Wrap me up in Lady Gaga safety fashion.
358- The weirder you are, the safer you'll be.
359- Imagine there's no safety. No accidents ever happening. No one to sue you. No one to blame.
360- I am still trying to make peace with the safety regulations.
361- I am blind because I lost my safety mind.
362- The future mind saves the behind.
363- I can trip on anything.
364- Help! I need the safety guy.
365- Shock me!
366- Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent.
367- A fast drive could be your last ride.
368- Dogs and cats don't mix with gerbils and hamsters.
369- The safety guy will hold your hand.
370- Dear sir, please thrill me with your safety suggestions.
371- Working eight days a week is safer than sitting at home.
372- We pride ourselves on our risky work environment and low fatality rate.
373- Plumbers can be bold when whey turn off the hot and only leave cold.
374- Double vision doubles the safety.
375- Sensing the road is all you need for a safe drive.
376- Proper maintenance applies to your spouse, your job, and your life.
377- The safety guy loves the way you follow the rules.
378- Baby, I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have. Maybe, I didn't hold you quite as often as I could have. Little things I should have said and done. I just never took the time. Your safety was always on my mind.
379- Give me liberty or give me safety.
380- We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect safety, establish a safety judge, insure domestic peaceful safety, provide for the common safety defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the safety to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this safety protocol for the United States of America.
381- Safety Now, Play Later.
382- George Washington understood the need for God to protect him.
383- Excessive bail shall be required and excessive fines imposed and cruel and unusual punishments inflicted for excessive breach of safety rules.
384- The powers not delegated to safety guy, are reserved to the employees.
385- Private property be will taken for safety audits, without just compensation.
386- No safety personnel shall, in time of peace bother you, without the consent of the Owner.
387- The main purpose of the safety documents is to limit the powers of employees.
388- The safety training was the promise; Zero accidents was the fulfillment.
389- Safety rules protect aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
390- Safety rules are like a kite string. Without the rules holding down the kite, it would not fly and come crashing down.
391- High treason is telling the owner that the safety rules are not properly enforced.
392- The owner may cry, Safety, Safety — when an accident happens.
393- Mr. Safety, it is natural for you to create the illusion and hope of zero accidents.
394- Safety for sale; where do you buy it?
395- Go ahead make my safety day.
396- Have your kid bring a big red apple for the safety guy.
397- Babies born breach are often the ones that breach the safety contracts.
398- Tip over in your chair once in a while to keep people laughing.
399- Freedom is ultimately lost when accidents and lawsuits shut the company down.
400- Safety glasses are much safer than safety contacts.
401- You light up my safety life.
402- Don't worry be safe and happy.
403- Dear God, please keep us safe from harm or accident.
404- Freedom from safety is like freedom to sin.
405- If the pastor thinks it's safe, it most certainly is.
406- Accidents don't happen on purpose.
407- Yoga safety meditation is the root of a peaceful coexistence with the safety rules.
408- It is better to hear about an accident than to be in one.
409- Don't fee bad unless it's your fault.
410- Post Traumatic Stress Safety.
411- Be lazy and hasty for safety.
412- Give it a shot, but don't touch the boss.
413- The backup plan was kept a secret by the safety supervisor.
414- Indoor fire sprinklers are great for the false fire alarms.
415- Three alarm chili does a surprisingly good job of keeping firefighters alert.
416- Police sirens call when nobody else will.
417- Firefighters love Save the Kitty Day.
418- Policeman love Gangster Rap Music.
419- Traffic tickets help people to learn the art of following the letter of the laws.
420- A good traffic lawyer is much more expensive than paying a ticket.
421- It's not my problem is a terrible excuse. You are your brother's keeper.
422- Thou shalt not lie to the safety officer.
423- Thou shalt not steal safety property.
424- Thou shalt not speak badly about the safety supervisor.
425- Thou shalt not covet another companies zero accident success.
426- Thou shalt not hire two safety guys for the same job.
427- Thou shalt take a day off to rest up for safety reasons.
428- Honor the owner and the safety manager.
429- Love God first, your neighbor second, and safety third.
430- Protect your brain and your hands to do well in all the land.
431- Without hands, we would all be a bunch of dolphins.
432- Doing it right means to do it right now with safety in mind.
433- A safety accident is a parked taxi with the meter running.
434- Safety inspections are like paying alimony to a dead maid.
435- Before the safety guy speaks, I have something important to say.
436- Safety humor is reason gone mad.
437- The owner says he never forgets an accident, but in this case he'll make an exception.
438- I'm hurt so bad - I need a doctor immediately. Nobody call the hospital.
439- The safety guy stopped looking at horses after he got married.
440- No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early (by Groucho Marx)
441- The secret to safety is rule following and proper rewards and enforcement. When the safety guy can fake that he's got it made.
442- A house is not a safe home unless it contains food and fire for the ehart and mind.
443- A penny is saved is done so through safety.
444- A small safety leak can sink a great company.
445- An investment in safety training pays the best interest.
446- Any fool can criticize the safety video and most fools do.
447- We must account for every idle thought, word, and safety deed.
448- By failing to do safety training, you are preparing for an accident.
449- Distrust and caution are the parents of safety.
450- Work to please the boss, but be safe to please the safety guy.
451- Either do the safety training right or make a big accident.
452- Accidents are a dear teacher, but many it is the only way for many fools to learn.
453- Safety games lubricate the body and the mind.
454- Zero accidents come to those that do safety training.
455- I guess I don't so much mind being safe, as i mind being fat and safe.
456- To know the value of safety, go and try to borrow some.
457- It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them (Benjamin Franklin)
458- It is only when the accidents come that the safety guys feels impotence.
459- Safety laws too minor are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed.
460- Lost time from safety training is never found again.
461- Observe all men and the safety guy most.
462- There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and the safety guy.
463- Those that can give up long-term safety for short-term safety deserve neither.
464- Good will is more important than being right.
465- When you doubt safety rules, don't.
466- When you finish safety training, you're finished.
467- If you hire fool employees, you don't need a safety training program because they won't learn from it.
468- Why is it ok for you to break the rules and no other.
469- Exceptions are always made, but rarely lead to happiness.
470- A company that never had an accident never did much.
471- Look at what your safety record is and not for what you wish it to be.
472- Accidents are what remains after you have forgotten the safety training.
473- Forcing safety rules is always done by a safety supervisor of low morality.
474- If people follow safety rules only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then the company is a sorry lot indeed.
475- Nature is the best safety teacher.
476- Nothing will destroy a company more than passing laws which cannot be enforced.
477- Safety cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
478- Don't strive for zero accidents, instead strive for a great training program.
479- The man of safety is a poor philosopher.
480- The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it (Albert Einstein).
481- The safest companies learn the rules of the machines and then follow them better than anyone else.
482- When we think about safety, we become accident free.
483- In the practice of safety, accidents are the best teacher.
484- Kindness is the root of all safety.
485- A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but safety rules lives on.
486- Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be safer men.
487- Forgive people that create accidents, but never forget their names.
488- I think 'Hail to the Safety Chief' has a nice ring to it.
489- The time to repair the safety system is when the sun is shining.
490- The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of accidents at work.
491- Those who dare to fail safety inspections will fail greatly.
492- Zero Accident companies have a thousand fathers, but accidents are always orphans.
493- Safety must be used as a tool, not an excuse.
494- In the Chinese language, a crisis is composed of two characters; danger and an opportunity.
494- The best way to learn safety is akin to carrying a cat by the tail.
495- Nobody likes a new idea and the person who came up with the idea is onerous until it succeeds.
496- Safety is all about putting square pegs in round holes by shaving off the rough edges.
497- The greatest and most successful safety programs come from ignorance and confidence.
498- Apparently, the accident was waiting to happen.
499- Be careful about reading safety manuals. You may die of a misprint.
500- Better to have broken safety than none at all.
501- Buy safety, it speaks for itself.
502- Safety rules are the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
503- Safety makes the man. Accident prone people have little or no influence on the company.
504- Courage is resistance to bad safety policy, mastery of talking back to management, not absense of voice.
505- Every company has a limit – you can't change fools into safety managers.
505- Giving up safety for productivity is one of the easiest things in the world. I know because I have done it a thousand times.
506- Humor is a safety manager's greatest blessing.
507- Safety is like an old man that knew many troubles, but most of them never happened.
508- Never perform safety maintenance while sleeping.
509- If the safety man was crossed with a cat, it would improve the man, but deteriorate the cat.
510- The employees we call dumb are simply reflections of our own vanity due to our dull perceptions.
511- It's not the size of the rule book, it's the size of the rules in the book.
512- Safety at Work = Something God made at the end of a week's work when God was tired.
513- Dying at work covers a multitude of sins.
514- Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. (Mark Twain)
515- Necessity is the mother of taking chances. (Mark Twain)
516- Never put off safety until tomorrow. Put it off until the day after tomorrow.
517- Safety forecasting is a profitable business full of risk.
518- Sometimes we drink to avoid thinking about safety at work.
519- Lack of money is the root of ill conceived safety programs.
520- The way to make people want safety is to forbid it.
521- Many an accident has been greatly exaggerated.
522- The secret source of safety humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
523- The criminal class makes the safety rules.
524- It's a nice fantasy that truth will prevail.
525- A great stress reliever is profanity. Sometimes it's the safest way to work.
526- When people do not respect safety we are sharply offended; yet in our private hearts we long for some excitement.
527- Safety is a necessary evil to be avoided.
528- Many would perform better if the safety inspector and the employees clearly understood that they are on the same side.
529- The individual must make peace within before safety comes out.
530- A great safety leader must bring hope to the employees.
531- The ability to follow safety precautions mean nothing without opportunity to do so.
532- Many people like to oppress others; these are not good safety managers.
533- He who fears for accidents is sure of defeat.
534- He that flatters will also slander.
535- A successful safety program will promise everything and deliver nothing.
536- People follow through vice better than through virtue.
537- Never ask for safety changes you can't implement or enforce.
538- To enforce safety rules less often, make punishments more severe.
539- Crimes against safety spread like the plague.
540- The two best ways to motivate people to follow safety procedures are fear and interest.
541- You must not fight too often safety management, or you will teach them all your tricks.
542- Actions Express Priorities (Ghandi).
543- Be the safe employee you want others to be.
544- First you ignore safety management, then management laughs at you, then management fights you, then management wins.
545- Safety mistakes must be tolerated for liberty at the workplace.
546- When employees are doing the right they feel good inside and the productivity and safety flourish.
547- I like your safety, I do not like your management. Your management is so devoid of safety.
548- The quality of the safety training makes all the difference to management.
549- Morality is contraband during safety inspections.
550- Safety is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Safety based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.
551- Properly understood prayer is a most potent form of protection.
552- We think sometimes that lack of safety is only being without safety equipment, dangerous and lonely. The truth about safety is that without it you feel unwanted, unloved and uncared for and that is the way to kill productivity. We must start in our own homes to make people feel safe and full of love.
553- Safety videos never bite me. Just humans.
554- I am not interested in safety. I just want no accidents.
555- One safety guy said, "I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my safety talent."
556- A company divided against itself cannot stand.
557- Change we can believe will produce safe results.
558- Drug policies should reflect that a lot of baby boomers were actually baby bongers.
559- A successful safety program is one in which there are more rules than the employees can remember. A successful manager is one who can find such rules before safety inspection.
560- A company without safety training is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
561- Like my grandma always said before an operation, "Take it or bleed it."
562- If you can't decide which rule to follow, always pick the one you haven't tried before.
563- Floor production is a fine place to be - if you happen to call in sick.
564- Electricity is just organized lightning (George Carlin).
565- Rules, Safety Training, Meetings, and Commuting, the four major guilt groups.
566- Safety maintenance can't kill you, but why take a chance?
567- I am not afraid of accidents, I just don't want them to happen.
568- I distrust safety supervisors, and anyone else who can design programs for work they have never done.
569- I feel sorry for people that follow all the rules. When they wake up in the morning, the feeling of keeping the rules is all they'll ever have.
570- If your safety record isn't so good, arrange for your boss to meet with companies that are doing much worse.
571- I think they should have a woman safety doll with a buzz cut.
572- Since two wrongs don't make a right, try three or four.
573- My fake rules didn't work because I didn't pretend to follow them.
574- Never floss with a saw blade.
575- Roses are red, violets are blue, you're not so safe and I am coming for you.
576- An injured friend is the bitterest of foes (Thomas Jefferson).
577- You must know about all the rules, but only be intimate with few of them.
578- Delaying your safety program is better than creating an erroneous one.
579- He who knows best doesn't know there is no safety at the company.
580- History teaches what bad safety leaders before us have accomplished.
581- Tyranny over the mind isn't good for everyone's behind.
582- It is always better to have no idea how to be safe than to believe what is wrong and die for it.
583- My reading of safety history convinces me that most bad management is a result of too many rules.
584- Cultivate a proper and right mental attitude because it is a great strength and power.
585- One safety guy with courage creates a majority.
586- Do not fear truth; instead fear timid men.
587- A safety program that people disbelieve in is sinful and tyrannical.
588- To dispel the clouds of darkness, the safety mind must be strengthened with education.
589- A company is never sad for having too much safety.
590- If you need to tie off, make a big knot and hang on.
591- Whenever people covet higher positions, their conduct smells of rottenness.
592- Whenever you follow a safety precaution, do it as if the whole company was watching.
593- True happiness comes from affection within the safety training.
594- The explanation should not preclude the reason.
595- Safety education without moral values seems to make man a clever devil.
596- Grief feels like fear gone bad after a devastating accident.
597- What you want to do will be gratified at the expense of what you should do.
597- Monotonous days make for lots of delays.
598- Dull and monotonous work make accidents much more appealing.
599- The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts (C.S. Lewis).
600- The reason you shouldn't have it your way is because the safety program is designed with you in mind.
601- To achieve top safety, we must believe we have done it already.
602- Safety design is a poor consensus builder.
603- A man who won't die for something is not fit to live (Marin Luther King).
604- He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. (Muhammad Ali).
605- God has give you one face, and when the safety inspector comes make yourself another.
606- Fair terms and a villain's mind make it so you're not safe from behind.
607- Ignorance is the curse of a new employee; knowledge is the wing wherewith he shall fly.
608- Safety be, safety do.
609- All great change begins at the safety meeting.
610- Concentrated safety has always been diluted down by mediocrity.
611- No safety program is so cheap that it can afford accidents.
612- Companies always find a need to keep whatever money they can get.
613- You can lead a man to safety as long as he decides to protect himself.
614- A good safety program should protect the people without running their lives.
615- What would company safety rules look like after being run through congress?
616- One way to make sure safety doesn't pay is to let the government run it.
617- The safety manager - that's someone who works for the company but doesn't have to do any of the real labor.
618- As soon as you create a better safety program along comes a better mouse.
619- If employees don't seem to see the light, turn up the heat.
620- Safety Slogans are for the beholden.
621- Keep safety meetings brief, sincere, and seated.
622- Judge the safety rules by the enemies they make.
623- Safety rules are not necessarily sacred, principles are.
624- The only thing we have to fear is death by accidents.
625- Safety is found when men are free to pursue it.
626- When you see an accident waiting to happen, you don't wait until the damage is done and then try to fix it.
627- However beautiful your safety strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
628- Zero accidents brings its own anticlimax.
629- A good safety program will make people feel a certain way because people tend to remember their feelings about something and forget everything else.
630- Safety is like a virus. It can spread throughout the company at any time.
631- The ache for a safe place to work and to live lives in all of us.
632- Safety means more than rules on paper. It takes a good manager to infuse with their voice an emotional and deeper meaning.
634- Happiness follows safety.
635- I love you. You love me. Let's go make some safety.
636- Tis better to flatter a fool than follow the rules.
637- Safety mistakes are actually new ways of doing things.
638- If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe (Lord Salisbury).
639- It's not what the safety inspector looks at that matters, but what they see that counts.
640- The art of being wise a wise safety steward is knowing what to overlook.
641- To conquer fear, is the beginning of a really good safety program.
642- When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps (Confucius).
643- Safety advice often falls on barren ground, but kind words about safety are never thrown away.
644- Last minute Christmas shopping isn't safe for anyone.
645- Why do the least safe teenagers turn into the police when they grow up?
646- Better late than miss the date.
647- Holiday thrills will send up your spine chills.
648- Look where you can to save your man.
649- Procrastination is the thing that stops a good man from keeping it all safe.
650- Look before you leap into traffic.
651- Being funny with safety makes the day not so hazy.
652- Free and fun so don't be glum.
653- The flat straight roads lead to sleepy drivers.
654- Hands are friends that never stop giving.
655- Losing a limb is not a big sin. It just sucks big time.
656- A cat has nine lives, how many do you have?
657- Interviewing for a safety position say, "In my past life, I was a safety inspector for a company larger than General Motors".
658- I organized the safety procedures into bins of your favorite colors.
659- Safety is nice to have and hard to create.
660- Hit and run is meant for baseball.
661- Punch your boss and you just might get canned.
662- Safety is the ultimate sacrifice of all fun.
663- I hurt, I died, I never cried.
664- Knowing road safety prevents driving crashes.
665- Read, text, drive!
666- Good safety speaks for itself.
667- The safety guy made me do it.
668- Lights in the eyes check for dilated pupil cries.
669- A good hand is better than a blind eye.
670- Never turn your back on your safety brother.
671- The order of the safety masons is based on brotherly love and trust.
672- How do you trust a politician to create a safety advisory board.
673- My job was to overlook the safety protocol created by the governing board of the Safety Institute of Safety Services which also worked closely and in behalf of Safety Citizens seeking higher laws for better and safer safety nets for all citizens.
674- The government appears to be half corruption and half safety.
675- Preparing for war is the safest way to protect our nation.
676- The safest foods to eat are for babies.
677- Babies are a good example of how to be safe; sit there and cry or eat.
678- Mothers milk is a cure for many ills.
679- It is better to get milk from a mother than from the government.
680- What you can't see may hurt you.
681- Beware of soda causing cavities and promoting weight gain.
682- Safe soda is water.
683- Bottled water is usually less safe than tap water.
684- Chronic safety battles are mostly waged by consumers and lost.
685- When people study chronic problems, what they find are safety issues being ignored for profits.
686- A conflict of interest is often seen when government regulators take high positions in private industry after passing favorable legislation to that company.
687- The reason the government rarely responds to your safety request is that it is too much trouble.
688- Creating more and better mathematically gifted children will produce much safety.
689- Ignore math and a sovereign nation becomes enslaved.
690- The payoff to a good education is safe neighborhoods, safe jobs, and interesting work.
691- It's safer to take other people's oil than drill our own.
692- Energy is the root of true freedom and safety for mankind.
693- True abundance is the safety creator.
694- When people say they can't, say I will. When people say they will, say I can too.
695- Greed has killed more people than all the wars and diseases of mankind.
696- It's safer to live in a neutral country with no military than a powerful nation with many enemies.
697- God is watching your safety video too.
698- We should all care about safety because life is important to all of us.
699- Bugs that we squish under foot needed better safety rules; like stay off the sidewalk.
700- What was safe yesterday is rarely safe today.
701- Keeping up on safety is a full time job for everyone.
702- Those old metal car dashboards were bad for the head.
703- Never do for yourself what the safety guy can do for you.
704- Don't put your cell phone to your ear while it is on speaker phone.
705- Develop a reputation for turrets syndrome so your offensive language isn't taken personally.
706- Reputation and perception rule actions that you can't perceive by management clearly.
707- Putting tape on a cats paws is an unsafe act of pleasure.
708- A merry go round is how we feel about another round of safety training.
709- Management safety is periodically tightened up with an accident.
710- It's easy to be lazy when your safety record is great.
711- I would rather be fired than lose a limb.
712- Fire on the brain comes from managements kick in the butt.
713- Avoid evil coworkers that wound your mind, steal your brain, and report it to management.
714- How well you fit in has a lot to do with how much blame you will receive.
715- Image isn't everything, but lets face it; it's most of what people see.
716- Some employees are like caterpillars waiting to turn into butterflies and others are like a preying mantis waiting for the right time to dine on you.
717- Whoever isn't for safety should be methodically stripped of authority.
718- Companies face the real problem of rewarding productivity at the expense of safety. For example, did you ever hear of someone getting a 200k bonus for not getting hurt on the job.
719- Most companies would have a safety CEO except that the unions already think they have that job.
720- It's hard to care for employees, when they are so demanding and complain so much that you get tired of hearing it.
721- What you should do can often be correlated with didn't happen.
722- The more safety you see; the more safety will be attracted to you.
723- A lot of people die from choking on hot dogs and yet they are still the same size as always.
724- You can warn a man not to eat something that will kill them, but you still have to find a way to convince them it's a bad idea.
725- A lot of accidents are simply people overestimating their abilities. Maybe that's why women live longer than men.
726- Some of the most dangerous industries like construction have the least safety rules due to extremely low profit margins and lax regulation.
727- Is it safer to be out of business and broke or take some risks and barely survive?
728- When government creates regulation, the cheaters win at the expense of the honest man.
729- If you take risks that are unnecessary, your margin of safety is going to be near zero.
730- The best way to have a nice day is to compliment the boss.
731- Many executives have to take many moral risks to keep the company afloat.
732- It's easy to say people make stupid mistakes, when you aren't doing any of the risky work.
733- Illegal is a word that means little. What you really want to know is what rules are enforced.
734- Enforcing unfair rules will make top talent leave the company.
735- The best way to find safety is to work in a safe industry and for a company that has large profit margins.
736- The safest job involves so much learning on the job that it is almost impossible to be replaced.
737- It is evident that people love to make up rules because not a single soul knows them all.
738- It is evident that people hate to follow other peoples rules; just look at all the people in jail.
739- In the beginning, rules are created for the benefit of others, but over time those same rules are enforced to benefit another group of people that have no altruism.
740- Altruism is considered evil be some because it is essentially a lie. What man would give up his eternal salvation for another.
741- Sometimes being safe really hurts.
742- Everything you see and know has another story.
743- Safety rules are like freedom. You don't have a right to hurt others, but hurting yourself is ok.
744- Ignorance is bliss unless you're going to court.
745- A company must keep you safe to save their wallet, but your happiness, well that's not required.
746- I would rather be told to go home than to stay in a demoralizing workplace.
747- Workers like to talk about the boss. The boss should get used to it and plant safety spies.
748- The best safety systems have lots of built in spies to control the workplace.
749- It's not exactly what you do that matters, but how well you are at tattling on people.
750- One way to make friends is to tattle on lots of people without the people ever talking to each other.
751- The best way to use spies is in such a way that each person has no direct connection with the other. This makes for honest reporting.
752- A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others (Ayn Rand).
753- Setting men free from other men goes a long way in safety design.
754- Since contradictions indicate a poor premise, go and tell the safety manager they are wrong about something.
755- Many men would like to escape choice and so a safety program is born.
756- Safety ends when a gun begins.
757- Safety is the barometer of a companies virtue.
758- The root of safety is hard work couched in emotional virtue.
759- When there are too many safety rules, everyone is in violation.
760- The purpose of safety rules isn't to make you suffer, but to enjoy your life.
761- Safety truths should only be revealed to those that earnestly seek them.
762- Management that engages in brute force will find more accidents on the job.
763- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? (George Carlin)
764- A self-help safety program puts all the accident blame on the victims.
765- If we find out who the safety guy is, we could kill them.
766- Subliminal mind control tapes played in the lunchroom are an effective safety technique for employers.
767- Kids love Santa because he brings them what they want; not what they should get.
768- The status quo sucks (George Carlin).
769- Pre-safety is what your coworkers do with the safety guy before the actual work begins.
770- It feels odd eating my Twinkies during a bloody accident.
771- The state with the highest execution rate should be Washington D.C.
772- The greatest leaders know how to manage chaos the best.
773- Hatred is killed with love and safety is killed with hatred.
774- The smaller the number of employees, the less accidents that will follow.
775- Anger at work means your boss has been a jerk.
776- People with an evil mind always blame it on an evil foe.
777- To kill your coworkers without drawing blood, use a sharp tongue.
778- Rejecting safety help leaves you free to do the right thing.
779- Managers think they can hide truth because employees pretend to believe lies.
780- Safety is not idle, but diligent all day long.
781- The true way to find peace is to resist all forms of accidents.
782- Safety is what you get after thinking about it for a very long time.
783- Work out your own safety program with fear and trembling.
784- Give yourself love and affection and God will bring you safely home.
785- Many employees would rather die than patiently work out the safety protocol.
786- A good safety program should have planned death rates and nothing should be unexpected.
787- I once purchased a pre-owned safety program and found it to be highly reliable.
788- When you see small companies that can't afford safety with high accident rates, you are looking at a failure of the market mechanism.
789- The safety manager always does what they can, but their cause isn't always just.
790- If your boss shuts their door, don't open it.
791- If the safety guy shuts his door, open it.
792- For safety meetings, put the information on sticky notes and put it on everyone's forehead to help them remember.
793- A sticky situation can often be avoided with a bit of tact.
794- Machines can kill your body, but a boss can wound your mind for a lifetime.
795- One of the last great hopes of society is safety for all humans in all parts of the world.
796- Nobody should have to die of an accident that is preventable.
797- Systemic limitations are often the cause of most accidents and yet there is always another fall guy.
798- People often label things evil that they don't understand.
799- Safety greatness can only be obtained by finding the truth quickly and resolving to change behaviors.
800- You can only milk a cow that has milk.
801- Everybody's got plans...until they get hit (Mike Tyson).
802- Safety is for love.
803- The best split personality is Mother Teresa and Charles Manson. You kill them with kindness and enforce the hell out of them.
804- Employees shouldn't trade their safety for management's bribes.
805- Breaking the will of the employees is easy after a huge accident.
806- Great safety is a two-way street between managers and employees that breeds brotherhood and contentment.
807- Don't be so optimistic about your safety program that you fail to see reality.
808- Forgive about others what you can't change and look for goodness in the safety program.
809- Real security and safety can only be obtained through true love.
810- If you find one thing to complain about, you will always find another.
811- You're hired. You suffer. You cry. Fortunately Worker's Comp has created a loophole.
812- Keep the people that move you towards higher ground.
813- Change a daily habit and your life has a real chance of changing.
814- The difference between great safety and mediocre safety is attention to tiny details.
815- It's not how the program is designed, but how the employees choose to react to it.
816- When you reach the other side, you will find accident victims in charge of the bosses safety.
817- Hell is full of safety programs that didn't work.
818- Heaven is for people that learned to love safety while still on the earth.
819- Good character has more to do with perception than reality.
820- A prosperous company often finds ways to lay off people to create an even greater margin of safety for the company.
821- Office workers may think that safety doesn't apply to them and yet so many of them get papercuts, ink stains, trip over drawers, and carpal tunnel.
822- Is it better to be safe or get a bonus?
823- Controlling employee thoughts is harder than you think.
824- Let the entire safety program be a song of the heart.
825- Sing, "Somewhere over the rainbow, falling from way up high."
826- It's safer to like the Beatles than the Doors.
827- Safety rules can frustrate the law; so set up a good foundation.
828- Cover-ups are always worse than the actual events.
829- Most great and old companies were started by a passionate person with a good work ethic. Now, these same companies are all run be executives that only find passion in money.
830- There is a fine line between safety statistics and moral truth.
831- We all change over time, whey not change into Safety Man.
832- Every safety program has an outcast.
833- If I have to die, it's certainly not going to be at work.
834- Sometimes you hate safety, but if you stick with it you'll be rewarded.
835- Follow your heart and it will lead you safely home.
836- Safety leverage comes from the long stick that the manager carries.
837- Who is Safety Galt?
838- When work is "light", you must increase the velocity.
839- If it never rains, our souls never get nourished.
840- Keep your minds simple that you will not miss the mark.
841- People that live the longest are often living in places with few rules.
842- When an action is once done, it is right or wrong for ever; no accidental failure of its good or evil fruits can possibly alter that (William Kingdon Clifford).
843- Trial and suffering strengthen the safety programs.
844- All people can refuse to let others do for them what they should do.
845- Many people want to accomplish a great or noble task, but most people will do less, so do it well and noble.
846- It is hard for upper management to care for anything for their lower demoralized employees due to their cushy chairs, telephones to call home, and their disdain for common people.
847- People that are tactless think they have superiority due to their vast honesty and yet, half of what they say is not based in truth.
848- A company would rather have you do nothing and be nothing than to cause one ounce of damage.
849- The right way to find safety is to look for the problems and subtract them.
850- Don't let another chef spoil your safety broth.
851- I can't say brushing a child's teeth is fun, but it sure beats cavities.
852- Why don't we just want what is best for us? Maybe safety isn't all its cracked up to be.
853- Go the F($* to sleep is a child's book about safety at home.
854- We can all understand managements frustration. That's why we bought them this book to read called Go the F%^& away.
855- Why should we hire you, "First and foremost, in my last job, I was the safest employee!"
856- Safety slogans help you find your way around the safety training that you forgot yesterday.
857- The half life of safety training is about three days.
858- Since experience is what really counts, simulate accidents that actually hurt to get the point across better.
859- If you're feeling sick, come to work and blame it on the company.
860- Safety takes up a small portion of my mind every day.
861- Keeping track of children is more difficult than keeping track of employees.
862- I saw one safety man cry after his long list of rules was never read by a single employee.
863- Miners are some of the people that badly need real safety and yet they are the ones that are often shortchanged. Somebody should do something about that.
864- High pay = High Days = Unsafe Ways
865- If employees don't seem to be motivated, hire a mathematician to figure it out for you.
866- If you blame the hurt for their own stupid mistakes it takes away your own fears and ships them off into the hurt victim.
867- The Ecological department called and said, "We are getting very concerned because these injury rates are not sustainable over the long-term."
868- Hope and confidence awesome to have as long as they're not couched in ignorance.
869- Apathy is a disease that creates all kinds of troubles.
870- Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing (Helen Keller).
871- The most beautiful safety program must be felt deep within the heart.
872- Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything (Xenophon).
873- The truest test of a great safety manager is what the employees do when he isn't watching.
874- Safety give proper meaning to the natural streams of sound that penetrate the factory.
875- Minding your own business is safer than sticking your nose into other peoples.
876- One of the great motivators at work is to avoid looking like a fool.
877- Hearing safety gossip is like making love while having your head kicked in.
878- Computers are like Gods that have no mercy.
879- Private dreams about the safety manager should be kept quiet.
880- Let go of the life you want and accept the one that is waiting for you.
881- Safety managers are like computers that boss you around.
882- How do the brand new heart surgeons get patients?
883- The best companies are good at creating effective safety leaders instead of importing them.
884- You can't import safety, but you can export risk.
885- Higher risk carries higher rewards so why are we shooting for zero accidents?
886- Dating is most unsafe and yet totally required.
887- Obama wants to rule the country, but the safety guy wants to rule the world.
889- Charles Darwin thinks safety is a competition, but it is actually a team effort.
890- The safety guy descended from monkeys, but the employees were created by God.
891- The only way for the safety manager to be safe is to keep the employees safe.
892- The safety manager should not have special rights. A great company empowers all people to be safe.
893- It's important to see the light because you'll remember it forever.
894- Solve your safety problems first and then ask for help if needed.
895- Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership (Colin Powell).
896- You can't just have slogans, you can't just have catchy phrases. You have to have an agenda. And I think what the Republican Party has to do, if it's going to incorporate the tea party efforts in it, is to come up with an agenda that the American people can see, touch, and actually believe in, and something they believe in (Colin Powell).
897- Does your company have a safety agenda?
898- Make the currency of your company safety at work.
899- Men at work was an awesome safety group.
900- Every unpunished deed takes away something from the security of every man's life.
901- A good Christian makes a good safety manager.
902- Take your job as seriously as Jimmie Hendrix took the guitar.
903- Through GMO Foods an animal or plant gene can now insert itself into your DNA. GMO foods are not safe.
904- Many a company has learned that profits are safe when whistleblowers aren't.
905- You shouldn't trust the FDA or the USDA to food safety.
906- Don't try and eat the recycled oil from the sewer.
907- Nuclear reactors are very safe when there aren't any problems.
908- If you want more market share, you gotta really give it to Toyota in the press.
909- Inspectors aren't as reliable as statistics and loyalty.
910- The entire field of safety is laboring under many pieces of folklore masquerading as fact
911- Preemption consists in designing systems to control the effects of disturbance to the intended process.
912- Be careful to measure real safety instead of non-safety. There are a lot of companies that only record problems and wonder why the safety isn't there. Maybe if you focused on safety instead of injury you would get it.
913- Incentive programs are an insult to every employee. As if I would only do the right thing for a worthless trinket of some sort. A simple thank you is much more effective.
914- Once we are in the acceptable range of accidents we can stop improving safety.
915- Safety associations are more like whores and less like inspectors.
916- Popular ways of doing things are often wrong.
917-Separating safety as a separate function severs connections with the operating systems delivering results.
918- Compliance with government safety regulation is just that; compliance. Being safe is a whole different ball game.
919- Auditing may discover some problems, but it will never solve them.
920- Minimizing risk is more important than avoiding it.
921- Safety quite literally is a figment of anyone's imagination. You could die at any time from just about anything because anything is possible.
922- Zero accidents and anecdotal evidence are friends.
923- Who you are is more important than what you do for safety.
924- Safety implementation is asking people to change their behavior and we all know how easy that is.
925- People often know what to do. The real problem is in implementation.
926- Management is often too powerful to let safety changes happen.
927- Having a process designed to deliver safety as an outcome, and managing the effort required to produce it, is significantly different than just having a safety program.
928- Managers that try too hard to please their supervisors will have many problems with their workers. Being balanced is better, more bold, but takes courage.
929- The only credible enforcement mechanism is individual ethics.
930- Defect insurance is great for those broken employees.
931- Incentive programs are toxic waste for any social system.
932- Having the right equipment and using it are two different things. Further still, using it when you need it and doing it right is priceless.
933- A loss leader from workers compensation is not quite as good as the one at Wal-Mart.
934- Whacking moles and putting out fires is like keeping ten plates spinning and expecting that it can go on forever without accident.
935- Injury labeling is often wrong because the person getting hurt isn't doing the labeling or the person labeling doesn't know how to categorize things. This leads to ineffective solutions.
936- Management loves to blame the wrong people because it is too difficult to blame themselves.
937- Virtually 100 percent of the cause of accidents is the unsafe acts of management.
938- Pre-planning is really proactive anticipation and it is highly effective. Pre-plan for all unacceptable risk.
939- Some bosses are just not safe to talk to.
940- Don't be a jock keep it locked.
941- You would think safety knowledge would be free flowing. Instead it is locked up tightly and you need the most expensive key in the world to get it.
942- A burglar enters a U.S. Home every 14 seconds and an employee enters into theft ever three seconds.
943- Most accidents occur in or near the home.
944- Hot tub, hot tub, electrocute me, I know how old thy wires may be.
945- Be extra careful with plastic-ware for it breaks when you are unaware.
946- Sharp knives are safer than dull ones, but the severity is worse.
947- It's hard to see why hot water kills so many people.
948- Beware the hole down there can be a drain and suck your life away.
949- Don't try and run across the garage to beat the garage door. Some people fall and get trapped under the door.
950- Beware of furniture that tips over.
951- Hitting your fingers with a hammer is dumber than going to the slammer.
952- Never use a bungee cord to whip your brother.
953- An overstretched bungee cord is a good way to lose an eye or lacerate your face.
954- There are many seemingly intelligent beings that chew on electrical cords and get electrocuted.
955- It is shocking how old power tools can have the powers of electrocution.
956- Using a trigger lock on your gun is a good way to keep your ass from getting shot.
957- Anchor tall furniture to walls and avoid the great falls.
958- Play keep away with all dangerous chemicals and make sure you win.
959- You may not be tall, but your pool or spa must have a five foot fence.
960- Toddlers are so creative you really have to look out for their safety.
961- Safety is something you can't really see because the most important aspect is how people work together.
962- Little people are safer than big people.
963- The greatest men I ever knew listened to me. It's not that I'm so smart. It's that true humility searching for truth is a powerful thing.
964- Dreams have often prompted me to know future events before they happen. This comes in handy for safety forecasting.
965- Events of the future are always scarier than predicted and much easier to handle than we thought.
966- I do a lot of things out of love, but I also do a lot of things for hate.
967- You are supposed to fear an all loving God and that's how management wants you to feel about them.
968- Secret cameras can do wonders for the company.
969- Setting new years resolutions works about as well as setting safety goals that focus on only the most important problem areas.
970- Doing the right thing is usually easy. When it isn't, people often do the wrong thing and so a good safety program will make it easy to be implemented.
971- Chaos is part of the job and makes it fun. The way to manage it is through pre-planning exercises.
972- Why is doing something before you do it so effective?
973- To one up the competition, create something very small and very destructive.
974- Safety by the employees and for the employees; not safety for management with punishments affixed for bad behavior.
975- It's a lot easier to get bees with honey than vinegar.
976- Capitalism is great for people with money. The great capitalist can purchase safety.
977- Since preventative health care is often not covered to increase hospital and HMO profits, it makes you wonder how safe you are when you have to go to the doctor.
978- One Emergency Room had the safety slogan, "Oops, lost another one."
979- One doctors office plaque read, "If you die here, we're so sorry. If you live to tell about it. Please don't sue us."
980- Doctors can be quite tricky. Have you ever wondered how new heart surgeons start out? The doctor you sign up for calls in sick and the new intern takes over. Then, since you're out cold you never knew what happened.
981- I like how Weird Al said it, "Like a surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time."
982- Can you imagine being an organ donor and finding your brain in someone else after you die.
983- Being famous doesn't mean your safety ideas are any good.
984- Famous war strategist Sun Tzu said, "To not not thyself or they enemy and you will succumb in a hundred battles." With safety, managers must understand the company. The best managers understand their own company and that of the competition.
985- The invisible man theory has merit. Any man that is invisible may do something he should or wouldn't do if being watched.
986- Al Gore invented safety ethics, but caught infidelity from Bill Clinton.
987- Laws that force ethics violate a persons self esteem and desire for good.
988- The CECO or Chief Environmental Commitment Officer is a fitting name for someone that is going to put you out for failure to implement safety.
989- The CECO officer should meet with the board of directors often to give updates on safety implementation.
990- I like to call the CGO (chief green officer) Chief Green Leaf.
991- Why go green and grow out your hair and eat tofu. Instead, just save energy.
992- The web is a wonderful way to learn about safety.
993- One way to keep your job safe, is to always carry a brightly colored whistle around you neck to remind management what will happen with your termination.
994- The best way to make safety worse is to declare war on accidents.
995- Popularity is a risk factor for substance abuse and safety non-compliance.
996- You must break an employee down for indoctrination with them realizing you are behind it or for it.
997- Rarely reprimand employees and do it with love. Afterward, show more love to the employee unless you want them to be your enemy.
998- Just like jail, everyone at work is innocent and still, accidents happen.
999- Methodology should guide implementation through CECO or CGO.
1000- Breaking wind is a great way to end a safety meeting prematurely.
1001- Require your employees to use Twitter so you can keep track of them better.
1002- Giving people the technology to be successful is only one part of the problem. People need to understand the technology they are receiving and that is the harder thing to accomplish.
1003- One of the best things about new safety technology is the placebo effect. People think it will make a difference and so it does.
1004- Barriers to safety include: power hungry management, large egos, thin profit margins, and implementation failure.
1005- Tenure insures safety to the professor and none to the student.
1006- The only way a professor can get a C average amongst highly motivated and intelligent students is to lie about what to study. To keep the professor safe from criticism, a pizza party works nicely.
1007- Low cost solar power could do more to help developing nations than a thousand safety programs.
1008- Internal safety threats must be removed unless it's the owner's son or daughter.
1009- People think they are close to God and yet most people don't have any idea who they can trust.
1010- Statistics do not prove anomalies, but accusations do.
1011- What you actually did is less important than what you were accused of.
1012- Locking up people for occasional drug use is like torching the safety guy for occasional implementation failure.
1013- Everybody thinks they are right. That's why we developed this safety program.
1014- Implementation is a direct correlation to teamwork building.
1015- Falls are an example of a common injury that technology hasn't prevented.
1016- The real purpose of serious accidents is to protect the gene pool.
1017- Roundabouts were thought up by nerds that were never able to get off the merry-go-round.
1018- Common sense is not inborn. It is learned.
1019- The worst part about construction is that safety is communicated through derogatory comments.
1020- Overpopulation enthusiasts love it when hazardous chemicals cause sterility.
1021- The more I try to help people be safe the more resistance I get. So, maybe it's better to be a good example and leave it at that.
1022- The Federal Vaccine Compensation fund proves that vaccines are not 100% safe.
1023- By definition, SIDS isn't caused by anything and so how do vaccine enthusiasts rule it from being linked to SIDS.
1024- Vaccines are safe for the population as a whole, but that doesn't mean they are safe for you?
1025- One way to know the motives of vaccine proponents is to see how they control and disband negative scientific studies about vaccines. Some things are too good to be true.
1026- Anything can happen and yet nothing that hurts you can be caused by a vaccine.
1027- Try and get the vaccine safety label. It's folded up tiny, in microprint, is unavailable, and written in such a way that nobody can understand it. How does that help people?
1028- There are safer ways to give vaccines, but it lowers Merck's profitability.
1029- If I am immune I don't need a shot, but try and get someone to test you for immunity?
1030- Some of the ingredients in vaccines are, aborted fetus, monkey kidney, aluminum, formaldehyde, mercury, and that's just what I know.
1031- Aliens may one day land and when they do there will be a vaccine to protect you from them.
1032- Vaccines produce safety from disease.
1033- Vaccine companies love humanity so much that the help other people learn how to safely make them for free; wouldn't that be nice.
1034- It's better to get black lung disease than the black plague.
1035- Get protection with an injection.
1036- Maybe people would like Ron Paul better if he didn't always talk about his old Fiat. I mean those cars are old and unsafe.
1037- Electronics seem safe, but what they can put in your mind can be very dangerous.
1038- A safe day is payday.
1039- Profanity makes me feel better; especially when a telemarketer calls.
1040- Telemarketers never feel that it is safe to give out their home phone numbers and yet they have mine.
1041- The more loans you get the higher your credit risk.
1042- Fire, fire, you are a liar.
1043- Sometimes you skip safely home and find an accident.
1044- My agenda is complete with safety slogans; now what.
1045- One step forward often feels like three steps back; especially when you account for emotion.
1046- The safety plan should precede the safety agenda through pre-planning based on pre-emptive motives forecast by pre-plan forecasting done by qualified safety personnel advisors.
1047- There are two ways to a man's heart, but a company should only go through the stomach.
1048- I like to get fat to save me from a fall.
1049- When safety is up, remind your boss that what goes up must come down.
1050- The trick to a happy life is this: stay alive and be happy.
1051- It's fun to do the wrong thing until you get caught and have to blame it on someone else.
1052- Buzz Lightyear said, "To ultimate safety, and beyond."
1053- Buzz Lightyear sounds more like a drink than a safety man.
1054- Being a Monk or a Nun is a pretty safe line of work.
1055- If you want rules that are simple and easy to follow, hire ten PHDs to write the rules.
1056- I consider safety a scam of the mind. It feels nice, but is a figment of my imagination.
1057- It's easier to keep dumb people safe because they can never think of other ways to do things.
1058- My heart always hurts for people that get injured by uncaring people.
1059- They say the mind is stronger than the back, but I can't seem to master any of Yoda's techniques to move my furniture.
1060- Freedom to do right is better than safety to do right.
1061- Getting tired of safety is when you read over a thousand quotes at one time about it.
1062- Some safety myths are true because believing them makes it so.
1063- It's harder to convince the boss to change safety procedures when what he has been doing for twenty years has been working without harm.
1064- Everyone knows a hammer will kill your finger and yet there are so many accidents every year from this.
1065- Everyone likes music at work; throw in subliminal safety messages.
1066- I would feel better going to a doctor if they didn't kill so many people on accident.
1067- Swinging for the safety fence means getting straight with people about implementation.
1068- Safety consultants produce thick handbooks that are soon covered with dust.
1069- Why do safety people like to create books that nobody likes to read. I mean, try and make it a little bit interesting.
1070- If you can't enforce certain rules, hire some gangster employees to work for you and pay them extra dividends under the table.
1071- Bringing in the cheese is a song meant for cheese inspectors.
1072- I love what I do, but not for the safety.
1073- Music can bring harmony and safety to the mind.
1074- Quality comes first and then quantity.
1075- A solitary life of safety I lead.
1076- Mr. Bean would be an awesome safety inspector.
1077- One company used custom made safety beanie babies without strings attached and it worked.
1078- Young cute girls are better at getting safety implementation that scruffy gruffy old men.
1079- Oscar the Grouch is a good example of a garbage safety lover.
1080- If you can't win at safety, you won't win at much else.
1081- Good employees leave unsafe companies.
1082- When God moved Adam and Eve out of the Garden is the day safety issues became important.
1083- I love safety slogans that work or that are funny.
1084- Safety can mean whatever you want it to as these safety slogans show.
1085- Configurable ladders are so scary when you do it wrong and the ladder falls down.
1086- I like to run marathons devoted to safety causes.
1087- Safety shoes and safety glasses are two of the most important items a company can provide.
1088- It always hurt to be reprimanded, but it is better than death, but maybe not as good as an injury.
1089- I have been yelled at so many times, I can't hear a word your saying.
1090- Eyes to see and ears to hear is making safety close and dear.
1091- I am grateful for people that care about safety and make it so.
1092- Safety trainers get you to repeat, I am grateful for all my body parts and intend to keep them all.
1093- Peace and safety go well together. I will now introduce the safety bong.
1094- Bongers and boomers bring safety to work. They are either too old to fight the rules or too stoned to care.
1095- If I stop drinking on the job, I am going to kill you. Are you sure you want that?
1096- Going to church is safe for your soul, but wounds your mind.
1097- Negativity is really a form of contempt for mankind.
1098- The people that need safety training the most are parents.
1099- Give me liberty of give me training.
1100- Eventually, safety issues come forth to be dealt with.
1101- Accidents shouldn't hurt as much as safety training.
1102- I have missed so many opportunities to be hurt or maimed that I feel totally left out.
1103- Managers don't realize that feeling alone is an important safety risk to take care of.
1104- How does a hated boss implement a new safety program. The only way is to get a subordinate to do it under their secret direction.
1105- People hate safety bosses because they are always looking for blame instead of dealing with their own problems.
1106- A good first aid kid should be closely available to all employees.
1107- Fire extinguishers used on the boss or other coworkers should be refilled immediately.
1108- The most fun safety party I went to everyone brought their own fire extinguisher and everyone got soaked.
1109- One funny thing was our boss standing there to show us how tough he was. The fireman's hose shot him down so hard he broke his nose on the fire hydrant.
1110- When someone needs to take a fall it is usually the least liked person in the department.
1111- The harder you work the more you will fall.
1112- Many of the things that are most unsafe look perfectly innocent.
1113- The most ridiculous safety precautions are created by lawyers.
1114- Do lawyers tell the truth about safety needs?
1115- Have FESTIVUS, once a year (for all employees), with the board of directors, for the airing of grievances, produces better implementation and more understanding.
1116- Women complain about the safety of their children around stay-at-home dads.
1117- There are truths, lies, and those darn safety statistics.
1118- Doing well with safety is getting into the employees minds and motivating them. Anybody can hand out a bunch of rules and threaten to kick your ass.
1119- Lying exhausted and defeated is a great and happy day for someone that has worked their heart out in achieving what they hold dear.
1120- Losses will come and you have to accept it or your future work will suffer.
1121- Some people are willing to pay the price and that's what keeps people safe. Sacrifices have to be made.
1122- Anyone who says they can see through safety is missing a lot.
1123- Good safety is a habit that can be learned just like anything else.
1124- Belief is the key to everything.
1125- Safety leadership is catching a falling hammer, getting the employees involved, getting other managers involved. It's being able to take it as well as dish it out. That's the only way you're going to get respect from employees.
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